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[Oct. 11th, 2006|01:02 am] |
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i have absolutely no respect for people who walk out of tests crying and i can not for the life of me figure out why everyone feels the need to be sympathetic to these people. it's only further preventing them from growing the fuck up, but then again, if they're 18 and still acting like they're 11 years old, they'll probably never grow up anyway. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|06:23 am] |
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im hung overrrrrrrrrrrrr and i feel like i probably said some dumb jackassish things last night. or something. who knows, i just dont feel like seeing people and being like uhhh ya im not crazy...i swear. yaaaaaaa...i need more sleep or caffeine or both. i wanna go home. cuz if i were at home last night, anythign i said would have been somethign everyone had heard before and yaaa i dunno i just dont like when people dont get me i guess. and i dont like how the beginning of college is like be friends with people because they're there and that's what you do in college. I AM PICKIER THAN THAT and i like to pick and choose my friends slowly and carefully and yaaaaaa |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|07:19 pm] |
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now don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|09:07 pm] |
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i effing hate meeting new people |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2006|01:53 pm] |
"Male sexuality may seem on the surface like it runs rampant in society -- there are strip clubs, porn websites, Maxim-style magazines, and titillating advertisements everywhere. But, despite all this, true male desire is often kept repressed.
Men think about sex more than they will ever let women, or even each other, know. Teachers think about fucking their students, fathers think about fucking their daughter's friends, doctors think about fucking their patients. And right now, for every woman with even an iota of sex appeal, there's probably a man somewhere in the world who's touching himself and thinking about what it would be like to fuck her. She may not even know him: He may be that businessman who walked past her in the street or the college student who sat across from her on the subway. And any man who tells a woman otherwise is most likely doing so because he's trying to get in her pants, or the pants of someone else within earshot. The great lie of modern dating is that in order to sleep with a woman, a man must pretend initially as if he doesn't want to.
Most appalling to women is the male obsession with strippers, porn stars, and teenage girls. It is abhorrent because it threatens a woman's reality. If all men really desire a woman like that, then where does that leave her marriage and happily-ever-after fantasies? She's doomed to live them with a man who really wants that Victoria's Secret model or the neighbor's daughter or that dominatrix in the videos he hides in his closet. As a woman ages, an eighteen-year-old girl will always be eighteen. Love is dashed on the rocks in the face of the possibility that a man doesn't want a person but a body.
Fortunately, this is not the entire story. Men are visual thinkers; thus we're often deceived by our eyes. But the truth is that the fantasy is often better than the reality. I had just learned that lesson. Most men eventually learn that lesson....Men are not dogs. We merely think we are and, on occasion, act as if we are. But, by believing in our nobler nature, women have the amazing power to inspire us to live up to it."
-"The Game" by Neil Strauss |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|06:06 am] |
HANGOVER IS A BITCH. and i cut my toe somehow and im scared i have hepatitis or aids or something else that you can get from cuts ew. i'd stop bitching if i knew how but i dont..... ew what the fuck happened last night becausewhat i remember of it doesnt make sense...actually i reember quite a lot but it doesnt add up and on top of that i dont really rememebr at what point i was drinking (??????????) owwwwwww
i want fucking chinese food, where can i get that t 6am !?! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2006|10:20 pm] |
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serendipity is the word of the day |
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| crazy |
[May. 8th, 2006|12:43 am] |
one thing i really really like about life is that when you've made an ass out of yourself, the thing is the people who were worthwhile friends are with you, cool with it, and not judging (perhaps laughing tho), and the people who werent worth your time anyway are the ones who are not goign to be cool with your stupid shit. its just nice to have such a natural filter, and its nice to have it there when you're kicking yourself thinking "im such a tool."
maybe its a good thing that im consistently making a jackass out of myself..Or something :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2006|04:19 pm] |
"All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,"
Says the man next to me out of nowhere
It's apropos Of nothing
He says his name's William but I'm sure,
He's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy
And he's plain ugly to me
And I wonder if he's ever had a day of fun in his whole
life
We are drinking beer at noon on Tuesday
In a bar that faces a giant car wash
The good people of the world are washing their cars
On their lunch break, hosing and scrubbing
As best they can in skirts in suits
They drive their shiny Datsuns and Buicks
Back to the phone company, the record store too
Well, they're nothing like Billy and me, cause
[Chorus]
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard
I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels
From his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar
Then he lights every match in an oversized pack
Letting each one burn down to his thick fingers
before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on
the floor
And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from his want ads
Chorus
Otherwise the bar is ours,
The day and the night and the car wash too
The matches and the Buds and the clean and dirty
cars
The sun and the moon but
Chorus
sooo i basically keep wanting to bitch hardcore about everyone and everthing on the internet, say what a bitch my own close friend was to me, what tools boys were, what an asshole espi is blah blah blah but the more i kept writing all my rants over and over again, i just realized i dont give a fuck and what sucks about life isnt worth worrying about, and this song came on and i was like THATS WHAT I FUCKING WANT. i want to be living life like that. I AM THAT OLD MAN (except 18 and a girl...) so ya....
i dunno next time i see some stranger who looks to be in the same rut as me or maybe someone i already know im just gonna tell them that all i wanna do is have a little fun before i die, and then suddenly i will have a daytime drinking buddy who doesnt care about anything but having fun, and brings out that same attitude in me, and thennnnnn ya. ya sounds liek a plan. jsut you wait |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
oh my fucking god i am so stressed out. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...............
okay im over it |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|10:23 am] |
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ya know what i just cant even believe? i know teenage boys who are more in control of their horniness than i am. what is the world coming to, i thought it was supposed to be the other way around!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|06:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | FRUSTRATED!!! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | disney | ] |
I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MS CROMEY!!!!!!! im intentionally getting a 1 on the AP. I'm just gonna answer all the essays with, "Ms. Cromey: it was more important to me to see you have a 1 on your record than it was to get another 5 i wont even get credit for." so anybody else from randall's ap english wanna go in on this with me?? :) |
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| eye openning experience... |
[Mar. 18th, 2006|11:36 pm] |
I was about to write the whole story out but then i realized that its the type of thing that only strange people liek me and nicole really get and i would just feel like an ass trying to explain it all in detail. However, I will say that the jist of it was I met a 35 year old man today who was just so pitiful I almost felt sorry for him. Even worse, I dont think he for a moment ever realized what a loser he was, which just made me feel even worse for him. Well anyway, he was just the older version of people that i have always REALLY envied. Like up until the moment that 35 year old walked over, I was still wishing i could be like the 18 year old version of this man. I was actually so envious that it made me devastated over my own future because i can just NEVER be liek that, and its all i wanted. Anyway, seeing this pitiful man interact with the boy i envied, and i realized that they were the EXACT SAME PERSON, oh man did i have an o'connor-esque revelation. (and i have to say it wasn't like woah, they're the same person, it was like so intensely similar i thought my life was a movie and someone put in the symbols to later be analyzed-the two of them were wearing the exact same jacket, and proceeded to have blatantly similar manerisms)
okay ya so i had a point and here it is: I always tried to tell myself, 'okay fine i envy these people now, but i'm better off' but i didnt for one moment believe it. all i can say is that this 35 year old was my worst nightmare in human form, and if thats what those i envy will become, then oooooh yes i will be better off, regardless of what happens to me. there is no way i will ever be that...aghh god i dont even know. but ya. by the way, I got into MIT and i actually had the stupidity to be upset about it. But it seemed almost like divine intervention or soemthing that i would experience this revelation just hours after hearing from a college i should be going to,and if i had any real sense, i would be. i really think i might be going there next year |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|07:27 pm] |
all in all, that was a very good weekend. there were a few low moments-everywhere i went there seemed to be quite a few assholes. but all their crap was in one ear and out the other, and when they really started to piss me off, i ended up doing things like sitting in corners with tj and joey making fun of everyone else. I find it kind of odd though that in one weekend i can hang out with so many extremely different groups of people and err ya, it was just nice, all weekend long.
ps for bailey. i think i broke my record for the earliest i've ever been drunk. you would have been proud (except by proud i mean you'd probably have yelled at me haha. it was great tho) pps the only type of person that i feel my weekend was truly lacking was a sex obsessed girl scout. so i do wish we had gone for soup or soemthing. oh well. |
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| ya...im bored |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|11:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  meh | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Boz scaggs | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|11:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stoned | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | None of Your bussiness | ] |
I've officially decided that the only thing holding me back in life is gravity |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2006|05:58 am] |
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i really am screwing up more and more these days |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|06:55 pm] |
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i cant decide if my problem is that im not good with boys or if its that im not good with people, and i jsut dont notice with girls. could be either...oh well whatever |
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| college....I don't want to go. |
[Jan. 22nd, 2006|08:16 am] |
I found my niche–it's high school. Strange, huh? I'm not really the high school type, at least I don't think I am, and it's certainly not like I'm the queen of the social scene, let alone that I'm particularly wanted a lot of the time. No, I think it's more like oh ya, that girl with the gap between her teeth? ya I've seen her around. But god, i LOVE it. There's something about the way this whole system of high schoolers works that I just live off of. And no I don't mean just the high schoolers who go out, or the ones i'm friends with, or at least know. I mean all the high schoolers. I feel like there's unknowingly an intricate system underlying everything we all do. I think it's a terrible system too, but like hmm I hate to use nerdy metaphors, but it almost becomes a video game or something. Something with challeneges, levels, semi unlimited lives, etc.
Anyway, here's why I love it. There's always a mystery about what's going on in the levels you've never been to. And a sense of accomplishment when you finally understand those people and groups of people who you never knew. On top of that, it's a struggle. Like shit doesn't come easily AT ALL, we ALL know that. People are bitchy. People reject you. People make you feel unwanted, because sometimes you are. But with that, it just makes it mean even more when you find other people who DO want your company etc.
I mean all this came from visitting harvard and MIT last weekend. As I walked around and they talked about how they were all accepting of one another and etc abotu the social scene. My thoughts? That's all well and good, but where's the rejection? On top of that, when I finally found out what types of people there would be rejecting me, and i just thought, god I much prefer being rejected by the people I've known in san francisco, you guys BLOW and I have no interest or desire in the least of understanding you. It's all right there written across your face. Strangely, this whole situation made me realize how much I'd miss those people who made me feel unwanted and who I really jsut had an antagonistic relationship with, am I insane?
After those utterly crazy thoughts, I got to some saner ones, but ones that hadn't before crossed my mind. What about those aquaintances of mine, who aren't that close of friends, but certainly are friends. What happens to that when we no longer have school or mutual social scenes to bring us together? Do we just lose touch? Continue to interact only every once in awhile through myspace and facebook? What a life! I don't want that to happen. But its not like I'm gonna be like "hey we were never all that close, and i think I maybe only called you about 5 times the whole time we've known eachother, but I always really appreciated your company, and lets stay in touch! for real!" it just doesnt really work. So all of those things will dissappear too
and that's not even to mention the friends! Especially the ones you have trouble staying in contact with in the first place. As i'm guessing kimmy and bailey are the only people who may have read this–Bailey what are we gonna do when we don't have c period reminding us to bond!? how could we possibly remember to go get coffee together when we live in entirely different places (haha unless of course you go to wellsley and i go to harvard or mit, and you take the fuck truck over, and we get coffee beffore you uh..get to your bussiness lol) Kimmy, what will we do when we don't have computer programming to bring us together!? We'll still always have racism, but without comparative government, i might forget to remind you of what a jasian you are!
I'm going through dilemnas like this with everyone. I dunno I'm jsut gonna miss this, and I dont care if college is supposed to be great, and if the social situation is better for a fact. I dont want soemthing better. I want this. this is where i work, this is where my strange mind has the most fun |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2006|04:50 pm] |
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i feel like that last post was obnoxious. i would delete it but ehh anyway, ya, im not trying to be all look how hard i am or look how much i party i was just commenting on the fact that it was a little too much condensed into one short weekend and nowi feel liek poo |
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